Tell Me

Tell me what to say to convince you that you matter?

Tell me, how do I convey to you that your voice belongs despite the collective transgressions of this country that may have you believing otherwise?

Please tell me, how do I look you in your eye and say, "You are needed here.You are wanted here" regardless of your race, ethnicity, gender, or religion when the rhetoric of this nation's leaders expresses the contrary?
 
I am simply a teacher...

Just BE

What do you say to comfort someone who has lost a child or sibling?
This is, perhaps, the most difficult time to find the words to express your empathy for their pain.
In times like this, we often attempt to find the right words (or what we think may be the right words) to offer solace.
On some level, I think we do this to make ourselves feel better.
It comforts us to know that we tried to comfort someone in their darkest days.
So Again, I pose the question, "What do you say to comfort someone who has lost a child?"

Let me tell you a secret, you don't have to SAY anything.
You just have to Be. Be a sister, be a brother, be a niece, be a nephew, be a friend.
Just BE there to listen, be there to talk or just be there to sit in silence.
You do not need to offer distractions, lessons, or anecdotes.
You do not need to be a saving grace.
You do not need to be a superhero.
You just need to be there.
Know there is comfort in your presence.
JUST
BE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tragedy has become a permanent member of my family over the last few years.  About two weeks ago he reared his ugly head again, this time untimely claiming the life of a cousin.  Tragedy always takes them young.  In the last 2.5 years, three sons (and brothers) have been snatched from their loved ones: 25, 26, 35. 

One of these sons happened to be my own brother.  Less than three months after his 25th birthday, he was brutally gunned down.  Two and a half years later, the pain is still immeasurable and hard to describe.  There are still no words that can give me comfort on the days that I miss him most.

When I heard of my cousin's passing, my first thought was, of course, to call my aunt and my cousin. My next thought was what do I say? One would imagine because my mother, siblings and I lost my brother a few years back that I would have the perfect words of comfort; but that was not the case.  I was at a loss for words.  Not because I actually did not know what to say; but because I knew that there was nothing that I could say to offer any comfort to their broken hearts.

When asked to write a piece for the funeral, again writer's block took over. I knew that I had no words to offer my aunt and cousin to ease the pain of their loss; however, I did remember all of the things people said to me when my brother died.  How they believed that they were helping, but many of them were only putting their foot in their mouths, or telling my "how" or in what capacity to grieve; some even had the audacity to suggest how long my grieving should last.  Mostly, they just hurt me profoundly.  For these reasons, and more, I addressed my poem to my aunt and cousin's immediate family and friends. Sometimes saying less means a lot more than you could ever know.  Sometimes just being there provides the most comfort.

Unapologetically Me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My complexities are dizzying
I don't quite belong anywhere
I'm not really the "sophisticate"; yet, I wouldn't call myself a hippie
definitely walk to the beat of my own drum, guitar, harp, or whatever happens to be playing in my head
I'm a lover of (most) music, lyrics over beats, sensual over sexual, consciousness over ratchet, real talent over mainstream, PRINCE over err-thang
Rap, jazz, indie, opera, classical, neo-soul, old-school, new-school, whatever school. There's always something to fit my mood.
Book lover....collector...hoarder..addict

Educated in some things: B.A, M.A, gotta get that PhD.; and yet, it still won't be enough to quench that thirst for knowledge inside of me.
Smart, dare I say BRILLIANT at times...BUT give me a math problem and you'd demand I give my degrees back.
Teacher to many. Inspiring the future while uninspired by the present.
Student of life, culture and FOOD.
World Traveler: I've seen a lot, but it's still not enough.
Mama to 4 (plus1), daughter to 2, sister to many, and friend to some.
To know me is to love me, but if you can't....move on!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I became someone's wife at twenty years old and became a mother slightly earlier than that. Most of my adult life my identity and existence had been tied to who I "belonged" to. Daughter of, mother of, wife of. Sadly, these labels were how I defined myself. Now, don't get me wrong, there is beauty, strength, and pride in each of these roles. We, as women wear many hats; and there is nothing shameful in that. However, there is danger in it. Losing one's self, or, perhaps worse, never having found one's self, is almost a tragedy of literary proportions.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I started to get a sense of who Syretta was. And, what I found is that I really like her. I'm funny (in a corny way), smarter that I ever gave myself credit for, and stronger than I could have ever imagined. Of course, there were things that I discovered about myself that I wasn't so thrilled about, like my innate need to please everyone, sometimes, at the expensive of my own happiness, and that I must speak up for myself more because no one else will.

I am still most of those things that use to define the entirety of my existence; however, I have realized that I am so much more. This poem barely delves into the complex personality that I am; it would take a lifetime (and maybe some therapy) to tackle that. However, writing this poem allowed me to explore different parts of myself and celebrate them, openly, honestly, unapologetically.

Plato's Theory Actualized

There will always be a you and I
No matter how far we try to run from it or with whom we try to hide our hearts with
The universe has us connected, drawn together like magnets
Two moths gravitating to each other's igniting flames.
Smoldering with an energy that won't be ignored.

This love gives freedom, gives breath, gives life.
Without it, there is restlessness, unsettling, aimless wandering.
Without it, I'm in a constant search for the other half of my soul.
Without it, we are sentenced to condemnation by Zeus himself
Forever searching for the spark to ignite the blaze that is Us
Engulfing the embers of you and I
There shall be scholarly symposiums to illuminate our heartbreak if we are to never meet again.

Pluviophile

The rhythm of water striking window pane draws me in
It's that smell that lingers in the air right before a long hard rain
The sight of drops falling from the sky dimpling the surface of the sea
It calls me
I step into it and feel its warm wetness as it covers me, pouring down on me
Washing over me in all its purity
Cleansing and replenishing my tired soul as it does the earth
Removing the pain, the hurt, filling the emptiness
Quenching both my and Mother Nature's thirst
Cause we've been cracked dry from drought
Igniting a spark on my skin's surface that sends an electrical current through my veins
Giving me new life with the landing of each droplet
Electrifying my insides until I cannot hold it in
beams of sunshine illuminate every part of my being
And just like that...
I
AM
RENEWED.